Vice for Ms Clitoris

Svutlana,

Will you please tell me why I can only seem to orgasm through clitoral stimulation? Why doesn't intercourse do it for me?

How can I change that?

My Vagina Wants to Come Too!

Dear Ms Clitoris,

Oh, what bizarre question this be! Can absolute no imagine me mens who write for Svutlana with question "Why can only seem me for have orgasm with penis stimulate? Why no stick vulva in face do it for me? How can change me this? My tongue want for come too!"

Believe or no, ask you female version of this question, Ms Clitoris. Hopeful, Svutlana can clear things up for you with first give you extreme impressive name that be Ms Clitoris. First piece vice have Svutlana for you be for buy name tag with "Hello My Name be" and write MS CLITORIS in big red letter. Wear this name tag for one week and wear you with pride!

Everybody know that penis be sex organ that give male most pleasures, but too few peoples know that vagina be simple muff for keep penis warm and tunnel for escort baby out and no main organ for give female sex pleasures. Blame Svutlana three peoples for this: Oprah Winfrey, Eve Ensler and Sigmund Freud. Blame me Ms Oprah and Ms Eve for overexpose vagina and give it too much pubicity and Sigmund Freud for have absolute no fuck ideas what womens want.

Oprah, who be most powerful womens on earth, make big deals about vee jay jay and everybody say hee hee hee. Go for Oprah website and vagina hit you 59 time with search. Clitoris hit you only 33 time. In Svutlana opinion, give that Oprah call her magazine "O", Oprah clitoral hit count be total unacceptable. Go for Mens Health and penis hit you 554 time!

How can you live your best life, like Ms Oprah always say, with virtual no clitoris?

Eve Ensler write play call Vagina Monologue that be perform all over world. Svutlana be extreme familiar with play because, believe or no, Svutlana be Vagina of Ceremony in local production and introduce monologues. For be honest, can remember me only two clitorises in entire Vagina Monologue. One clitoris belong for old lady who start for cry when find because never have orgasm before and other clitoris belong for "happy vagina fact" that say clitoris have 8000 nerve ends that be two time as many as penis. Everybody in audience cheer clitoris for have more nerve than penis, but leave theater with think clitoris be part of vagina, like Pittsburgh be part of Pennsylvania rather than cuntry unto itself.

Have us big debate inside cast about whether for pronounce word cliTORis or CLIToris because is so rare for hear this word and nobody know exact how for say. Maybe Ms Eve be frayed that nobody know how for pronounce clitoris and so she make play about vagina. Maybe Ms Eve think that clitoris be Dame Judi Dench of pubey region take spotlight away from vagina if she give clitoris too many lines. Or maybe Ms Eve really believe that vagina play lead role for womens and that clitoris be bit player.

Ask Ms Eve many question of vagina like if vagina could talk, what would vagina say or what would vagina wear or what does vagina think vagina smell like. Eve Ensler turn vagina in for celebrity and now everything in female pubey region be call vagina. Get Svutlana question about shave vagina as if vagina can spill out of body and grow hairs. Even get Svutlana question about whether womens should be embarrass about ugly vagina as if it be possible for look inside body and see if vagina be ugly! Ask if vagina be ugly be like ask if colon be ugly and make embarrass during anal sex.

Vice have Svutlana for Eve Ensler be for write sequel for Vagina Monologue call Clitoral Address that give clitoris top bill that it deserve. All Ms Eve have for do is two thing in this follow-up play: 1) give address for clitoris so that everybody know exact where clitoris be (can be audience participate this part) and 2) full address clitoral job description that be for give pleasure, include ultimate pleasure that be orgasm. Penis be multipurpose, but clitoris have nothing else for do, Ms Clitoris, except give pleasure. If Svutlana could be any body part in anatomical world, would choose me hand down for be clitoris so could spend entire life with give pleasures.

But, thank for Ms Eve and Ms Oprah and many others with vest interest in keep attention on vagina, many peoples think vagina be pleasure organ and female equivalent for penis and that when penis and vagina come together there should always be orgasms and this be right way for have sex. But there be many many womens who no have orgasm through intercourse alone. Dr Betty Dodson, who have PhD in sexology and spend most of life with study genital in extreme details and therefore be high credible source, estimate that as many as 95% of womens can no orgasm with intercourse alone. 5% who have orgasm with intercourse alone do so because gashooshlank accidental jiggle clitoris and excite it.

That be said, if really really want, can learn you how for train body for have clitoral orgasm with intercourse, Ms Clitoris. In book Sex for One, Dr Betty teach you how for train body with simulate motion of intercourse during masturbate while stimulate clitoris and work Kegel. Can have you clitoral orgasm with your intercourses provide you no be in position like mission position where you be squish and it be impossible for reach clitoris, but you will never be able for have vaginal orgasm with intercourse because orgasm no be in vaginal job description.

Maybe think you that intercourse be correct way for have orgasm and have you inferior orgasm when have orgasm any other way. Freud think this way too. Freud be full of shit. Correct way for have orgasm be way you have orgasm. There be no wrong way for have orgasm with clitoris, but if you start for get mad at clitoris for have orgasm wrong way, clitoris start for get mad at you. Guarantee me, you no want for have mad clitoris, Ms Clitoris, so please be respectful and always send love for this most impressive of all organ.

Maybe wonder you what call us clitoris in Svutlandia. Get me this question many time and answer be Jawahwahboomba that be sacred word in Svutlandian that say us when clink glass or accidental bump in for someone. Svutlana middle name be Jawahwahboomba as be all female in Svutlandia. Wear us Jawahwahboomba name with pride.

Hello My Name Be

Svutlana JAHWAHWAHBOOMBA

Svutlana say, "If Svutlana could be any body part in world, would choose me hand down for be clitoris so could spend entire life with give pleasures..."

Believe or no, this be Svutlana final vice column. Svutlandia government call Svutlana back for Svutlandia with offer of good position inside Sex Museum. Svutlana be in charge of Clitshibit, that eventual become travel jahwahwahboomba show.

Maybe one day come come Svutlana and Clitshibit for your town...

Thank you profuse much for make Svutlana mission extreme enjoyable,

warm regard you all,

Svutlana xoxo

Vice for Ms Marry Brit

Svutlana,

I heard a report on the radio yesterday that British men have sex for the longest period of time--10 minutes--Turks for the least--4.4 minutes.

How do you explain this disparity between nationalities? Do you think it's real?

I Married a Brit!

Dear Ms Marry Brit,

Maybe it should be Svutlana who ask you this extreme thought provoke question about husband, Ms Marry Brit. Congratulate profuse on marry Brit.

First must say that have Svutlana more than little bit problem with semantic when peoples call sex what obvious be sex option call intercourse. Call intercourse sex be like call body of car car. Body of car look like whole car for many peoples, but it leave out many interest piece include engine.

Believe or no, there be many many peoples who think sex be intercourse and everything else be play before sex. Think about. If sex be intercourse and everything else be play, everything else be trifle. Maybe think you at moment: what for fuck be Svutlana problem with simple definition of sex? Problem be simple that if think you that sex be intercourse, it be imply that intercourse be proper location for all mens and womens for have orgasm.

Therefore, semantic mistake of sex = fuck be root of big fuck problems for many peoples include womens who can no have orgasm through "sex" and for homosex peoples with two varoomschling or two gashooshlank who want nothing for do with "sex".

So please stop everybody with call intercourse sex! Proper phraseology be sexual intercourse that mean intercourse that be sexy.

Sorry for interrupt answer for your question with pubic service announce about intercourse, Ms Marry Brit, but always get alarm me and gasp when hear that best case be sex that last on average for 10 minute with Brit when it take Svutlana approximate 23.2 minute for have orgasm.

Apparent, name of study in which Britain come first with come last is publish in Journal of Sexual Medicine and be call...

Five-Nation Survey for Assess Distribution of Intravaginal Ejaculatory Latency Time among General Male Population.

Have Svutlana no ideas about you, Ms Marry Brit, but intravaginal ejaculatory latency time sure no sound like good times for me. It sound more like perverse funny international competition organize by International Olympic Committee and Howard Stern. Apparent, this competition be between UK, Spain, Unite State, Turkey and Netherland. Vegas put odd on Spain for win because have Javier Bardem, but UK surprise everybody include self with place first. Maybe Britain have Sting on team who skew average with his tantrics.

For sure everybody who read Svutlana vice column want for see results of World Cup of Fuck.

1. Britain 10 minute

2. Unite State 8 minute

3. Netherland 6.5 minute

4. Spain 4.9 minute

5. Turkey 4.4 minute

Average be 5.7 minute.

One mens, whose nationality be secret, stumble out of gate and last only 6 second. Other mens do 52 minute marathon with womens who for sure feel like pole vault.

Apparent, condom and circumcision have no effect on endurance. Only alcohol have 'positive' effect which seem for suggest British mens be more drunk on average when fuck than other nationality.

Find Svutlana other study that say British mens be least romantic in world with only 32% write poem or song for beloved compare with 41% of no-British mens.

Romance deficit plus alcohol surplus suggest for me that win World Cup of Fuck be dubious distinction, Ms Marry Brit. But no worries and please no get mad at Svutlana because is no matter. International sex competition be where athlete be select for represent country and attract worldwide media attention, but truly only represent self.

Svutlana

Vice for Mr Simulgasm

Svutlana,

Why is it that so many people (especially women) think simultaneous orgasms are so important? My girlfriend (I'm male) always wants us to try to come at the same time, and I do try, but usually when she's about to come I'm either too far or even closer than she is, so usually it doesn't happen. When we do overlap, it's usually only about 50% of the orgasm. It's rare that we get there together, from beginning to end.

I think that's not important, my girlfriend says I'm not being romantic. What do you think?

Dear Mr Simulgasm,

No leave you name for Svutlana, so Svutlana have for give you one, Mr Simulgasm. Thank you profuse much for this extreme tantalize question that for sure be one of great mystery of life: what be big fuck deal about simultaneous orgasm?

For be honest, think Svutlana that simultaneous orgasm be romantic notion that be complete overrate. Find me far more romance (and especial eroticism) in watch beauty of partner have orgasm and have partner watch Svutlana have orgasm so can cheer Svutlana on. Like Svutlana nothing more than for have studio audience that cheer and say "oooo" and "aaaah" and "wow" as if Svutlana lie on back flip giant kiwi with feet like perform in Cirque du Soleil.

Can no watch partner and appreciate beauty of orgasm if you be busy with have own orgasm, Mr Simulgasm. Is like try for eat plate spaghetti on upside-down roll coaster. Nobody can do, so everybody just throw plate spaghetti overboard and enjoy ride.

But miss you nice plate spaghetti!

That be said, can understand me complete attract of come together that Beatle write song about. Can also understand me degree of difficult of come together and how pressure of try for come together add needless anxiety for happy happy. Guarantee me, most of anxiety of come together land on mens like you, Mr Simulgasm, because it be presume by girlfriend that you can shoot when she give you order.

Can create you sex excite in partner with conscious part of brain that also be responsible for build Lego, but orgasm trigger be under control of what be call autonomic nervous system. Learn us yesterday in Ms Mary Bonk lecture that autonomic nervous system have mind of it own that many time be perverse. Autonomic nervous system can give orgasm for dead peoples with sacral nerve stimulate or with toothbrush for poor womens who think she be possess by dental demon rather than visit by extreme extreme nice tooth fairy.

Autonomic nervous system also be in charge of heart rate and digestion. Is strange how peoples who want for have orgasm at same times no want for simultaneous digest food with lover so that can have bowel movement together or hook up for twin cardiac monitor so can watch heart beat in same rhythm.

First piece vice have Svutlana for you right off bats is be thankful (and tell girlfriend for be extreme thankful) that have you orgasms within twenty-four hour of partner. It seem for me that too many couple have orgasm that be month or even years apart. For these peoples, it be far more likely for sneeze together than for come together. (Have no ideas about you, but Svutlana be alive for many year and so far never sneeze with anybody. Make little bit sad me this...)

It seem for me that girlfriend probable alert you when she get close for orgasm and say for you "steady....aim....fire!" But even if gun be full load and you be good for go when girlfriend give order, fire under extreme stress condition be hit or miss propositions with many miss. And what if you be give girlfriend oral please and gun be half cock when she give you order? Have you much hard work for do in ten second!

If you be at steady or aim when girlfriend say "fire", then have you opportunity for rough 25% for 50% orgasm overlap that in Svutlana opinion still be extreme fuck good. If get you 100% overlap, even on rare occasion, deserve you Golden Kegel ejaculate control award along with certificate in strategic orgasm management, Mr Simulgasm.

Believe or no, for many year Svutlandia Sex Institute unsuccessful try for develop simultaneous orgasm protocol with aim for have entire country of Svutlandia climax at same times and rock world. However, it final be decide that simultaneous orgasm decree be fascistic and that best approach be for have free democratic spontaneous orgasm with no protocol that maximize sum of each citizen pleasure.

Today be Free Democratic Spontaneous Orgasm Day in Svutlandia. Enjoy!

Svutlana

Pubic Service Announce!

Work Svutlana on tomorrow vice column for Mr Simulgasm and find me this extreme extreme fascinate video about orgasm that feature Ms Mary Roach who write book about happy happy call Bonk.

Believe or no, include in this video about orgasm is absolute worst job in world.

Enjoy!

Svutlana xoxo

Vice for Mr Multi

Svutlana,

Is it really true that women can in principle have infinitely many orgasms, one after the other? My girlfriend says she gets sore after three or four, and doesn't want any more; is this common? I've heard about women who could have ten, twelve, twenty in one sitting. Is that just a legend? I am a man who would like to give her as much pleasure as she could possibly take!

Curious about "Multi-Orgasmicity"

Dear Mr Multi,

Thank you profuse much for letter that sound little bit like is write by mathematician, Mr Multi. If express as math equation your letter would read: what happen for variable womens "X" as "O" approach infinities?

Accord for Svutonomic theory, there be something call Law of Diminish Orgasm Utility that state and quote me that "perceive value of additional orgasm decline with each addition orgasm until reach satiate point after which orgasm begin for annoy".

In other word, if orgasm continue after reach point of satiate, can actual make womens "X" sick, Mr Multi. This be why girlfriend start for complain after three or four orgasm. Feel little bit like pubey region be attach for doorbell that monkey at door continue for ring and ring and ring.

There be reason that old disco song say "Ring Bell Me!" and no "Ring Bell Me Ten, Twelve, Twenty Time!". First time usual be best ring-a-ling-a-ling and there be physiological reason for. Think about. Orgasm be release of tense and most peoples be happy for one good release rather than ten, twelve or twenty so-so.

That be said, orgasm can be like sneeze where fifth sneeze be as good as first sneeze. But should never set goal for have (or give) twenty orgasm. No think me even Anthony Robbin set goal for give womens twenty orgasm in row! It seem for me that you want for see report with print-out that show exact how much you please womens and exact how much more you need for please womens so that there be absolute no room for improve and you be perfect lover.

Is little bit like time Svutlana little godson discover meatball for first times. Pop this boys one meatball in for mouth and discover yum-yum and think that if one meatball be good, ten meatball one after other like Lucy inside chocolate factory be extreme extreme good. Needless for say, all meatball come back up on Svutlana rug.

Guarantee me, no want you for do this with girlfriend, Mr Multi.

Set you arbitrary number of twenty orgasm as maximum amount of please that be possible and ask Svutlana for verify this. Is extreme extreme wonderful that you want for please womens complete and Svutlana commend you profuse for this, but if really want you for please womens Mr Multi, no count you number of orgasm that ignore complete ignore quality measure. Look you instead at response on partner satisfy card.

Svutlana always ask partner for fill out card after make happy happy for see how Svutlana can continuous improve. Ask partner for rate Svutlana on Likert scale that be five point scale from 1 that be total unsatisfy--would rather watch me Cougar Town and absolute fuck hate me this show!--for 5 that be total satisfy and can absolute no imagine me how can possible be more pleasure unless stick gashooshlank in for big pot stracciatella gelato.

Survey be on recipe card that be place beside bed. Please feel free for copy this card as see you fit, Mr Multi.

Svutlana Happy Happy Feedback Card

Please rate you level of satisfy with 1 be total unsatisfy and 5 be total satisfy.

Svutlana costume 1 2 3 4 5

Svutlana choreography 1 2 3 4 5

Svutlana props 1 2 3 4 5

Svutlana harmonica play 1 2 3 4 5

Svutlana voice over 1 2 3 4 5

Svutlana music soundtrack 1 2 3 4 5

How would rate you overall Svutlana experience?

1 2 3 4 5

Would recommend you Svutlana for friend? YES \ NO

If no, why no?

__________________________________________________________________________________

Please use back of card for write comment for Svutlana.

Thank you profuse much for fill out card and hopeful come you again!

Svutlana xoxo

Believe or no, have Svutlana even better vice than partner satisfy card. Vice have Svutlana for you Mr Multi, be for fill in happy happy satisfaction card for how well you satisfy self and have girlfriend do same. It be up for girlfriend for train body for be receptive for orgasm with masturbate train and for discover as many route as possible for get for orgasm with masturbate research and share these routes and results of train with you.

For sure you can help for drive girlfriend car for orgasm destination, Mr Multi, but girlfriend control GPS and there only be so much you can do for arrive at orgasm many time. Must always respect you that maybe one or two spectacular arrival be all partner really want. For insist on arrive at orgasm twenty time...please remember Law of Diminish Orgasm Utility, Mr Multi.

Recommend Svutlana book Orgasm for Two by Dr Betty Dodson that be book about how for get most out of happy happy journey rather than focus all attention on maximize number of time you reach orgasm destination because it be easy for count and express as math equation.

Say Svutlana more about this book in next vice column, so stay you tune and thank you again one time for this multi-facet question.

Svutlana